Out here living

I’m still having a hard time believing it — that the end of my college career is officially here. I’ve been done with school for about a week now, but I don’t walk until this Saturday and it hasn’t hit me yet. Maybe I’m in shock that the day I felt was once forever away is now here or maybe it’s just because I haven’t gotten my diploma as my official form of closure and this Saturday will arouse the excitement out of me that I expected to feel.

So of course, as this graduation day approaches I can’t help but reminisce and provide my fellow college-chicks (or just women in general) with a little bit of advice.

3 years ago when I was starting my college career I was a totally different person. I didn’t know how to maintain a friendship and I was irritable, annoying, somewhat rude, and honestly.. I was fake.

I was so terrified of the unknown that I wanted to control every aspect of my life which (no kidding) made me unpleasant to be around.

I fought with a lot of people, I cried a lot, I lied to try and improve my life in hopes that I could “spin the truth” to get what I wanted, but it just ended up hurting me even more. On top of that, I knew that there was something affecting me mentally. I was sad literally all the time. I felt alone in a room full of people, and every single day felt like an endless fight for hope. I was stressed and I couldn’t control my emotions, but I just chalked it up to a transition into a new stage in my life – but deep down I knew that there was something more to it.

Two years and a whole new atmosphere later (surprise, I transferred) when it still wasn’t under control – I was urged by a friend to seek help. It was then when I became aware of how to control my mental health and from there on out my life has improved immensely.

I still look back on my freshman year embarrassed and disappointed in who I was and how I allowed myself to act. I skipped classes because I spent so many days and nights crying under my sheets and all I wanted was for the year to end. But now I’m rejuvenated.

So to everyone who is out there reading this: I want you to know that everything will get better as long as you give it the time to heal. I want you to know that it’s okay to admit your depression and anxiety and it’s okay to seek the help you need to improve your health. It’s okay to walk away from toxic relationships, and it’s even better to take time to yourself so you can cultivate who you are into exactly what you want to be.

If it wasn’t for the “worst year of my life” at the university I originally attended.. then I wouldn’t have transferred to Cleveland State. I wouldn’t have found my best friends, I wouldn’t have realized that there was a need to change and seek help, and I wouldn’t be working at the firm that has completely developed and changed my life for the better.

3 years ago, I never pictured myself to be where I am. I look back and think about the boy who “broke my heart,” the friends who didn’t stick by my side, the people who I never thought I could live without… and I laugh.

Because look at me now… out here living without them and doing it well.

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